September 19th (2023)

“September 19th”, Video and Poem, 2023

There were moments in my life when the fear of hearing a particular word loomed over me. It was a word I desperately wished to avoid, a truth I was reluctant to confront or a circumstance I vehemently resisted.

It could have been a word linked to loss, abandonment, unemployment or any other term that would unsettle my peace of mind, one I hoped never to encounter.

In this phase of my life, I pondered on what might be the most terrifying word to hear.

“Récidive”. A French term denoting the return or recurrence of a disease.

A few months back, a dear friend said:

“I hope you’ll not have a ‘Récidive’.”

It wasn’t about my fear of recurrence, but her own apprehension of it. And it dawned on me that I wasn’t alone in viewing this word as a threat.

For a year now, I’ve been in a state of anticipation, dreading the day when a doctor might utter this word, knowing that I’ll have to endure many more years with the same apprehension.

Life can be both unfair and cruel, yet within its complexities lies the potential for moments of transcendent bliss, if only we could learn how to extract the crumbs of beauty and gobble them up.

As Confucius noted: “We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one.”